Two days down, 14 more to go

Greetings from Oktoberfest 2008! We are still alive and well. The city is awash with drunken tourists and locals alike, most of them wearing some kind of tracht, or at least funny hats (note to self: take more photos of funny hats). Many precious memories are in the making here, I tell you, and we are only one weekend in to this 16-day festival. I'd like to take this opportunity to remind Headbang8 about our mutual agreement to not post embarrassing photos of each other.


The Hippodrom - supposedly the young, hip, flirty tent with a high number of celebrity sightings. We did see some guys being followed around by video cameras and a boom mic, but alas none of us were able to recognize them.


The Weinzelt (wine tent - no maβes here!)


The Ochsenbraterei (ox roaster). This was our third tent of the day yesterday. I hardly have any pictures from inside. Probably better that way.


If you want an animal roasted on a spit, Oktoberfest is the place for you!


The pregnant chick stole our beers!


One popular festival song here in Germany is about playing cowboys and Indians (which I for one take offense to - how dare the Germans appropriate our cultural heritage! WE come from the land of cowboys and Indians, that's OUR childhood game, dammit!). Anyway, the song comes with a choreography kind of like the Macarena, except with lassos. Really, I am not making this up.


Our neighbors from the next table over get a little fresh with our kilt-wearing Scot.


I was all set to declare the Weinzelt the most sophisticated tent, and then the band came out wearing giant condom suits. Why yes, those are enormous hairy balls that jiggle when they move their legs. Thanks for asking.

More to come!

Does Oktoberfest have its own language?

All over the place I've been hearing references to Bayerisch (the Bavarian language) in connection to Oktoberfest. The official website has an English-Bayerisch dictionary. A friend gave me an Oktoberfest song book* which also includes a Bayerisch phrase guide (and an interview with Roberto Blanco, of all people. WTF? All I know is that if he's performing at Oktoberfest, I am so there.) Advertisements seem to be tossing in a Bayerisch phrase or two all over the city.

This confuses me a bit ("this" meaning the whole Bayerisch thing, although the Roberto Blanco thing also has me a little baffled). First of all, despite warnings to the contrary from non-Bavarian Germans, Bayerisch is not the default language in Munich. German is. People don't speak Bayerisch at me,** and they don't speak it around me. In my eight months here, I have heard very little Bayerisch, and trust me, I do a lot of eavesdropping. You want to see a city where people speak dialect instead of a real language? Go try Zurich, because Munich is pretty solidly a convert to the Hochdeutsch camp. I hear more English and Italian here than I do Bayerisch. Secondly, rumor has it that Oktoberfest is sooooo commercial and so very overrun with tourists that the locals, for the most part, are oh-so-fed-up, and don't even hardly go to the Wies'n anymore.

So whom, exactly, is going to be speaking all this Bayerisch at me? Is it one of those scenes like Colonial Williamsburg or a Renaissance fair where the employees get all crazy into character and refuse to speak like a normal person? Somehow I'm skeptical. But just in case, I'm arming myself with a few key vocabulary words and phrases. Feel free to print this out and carry it around as a cheat-sheet. Oktoberfest starts tomorrow!

Z ' dringga mächd i biddschee a Mass! - I'd like to have a beer.
biddscheen - please / you're welcome.
Deaf i mi zu dia hisizn? - May I sit down here?
Naa - no
Zoin - The bill, please.
aufmandeln - to aggrandize oneself, especially when you do not find any free seats in the beer tents.
aufstöin - to donate a beer.
Bierdimpfe - notorious beer drinker, "tavern potato".
Fetznrausch - totally drunk.
Gaudinockerln - luxuriant breasts
Weißbia - wheat beer (only in the smaller beer tents at Oktoberfest)
Deaf i Dia a Busserl gem. - I'd like to give you a kiss.
----
* The Oktoberfest Song Book comes on a long blue ribbon, so that you can hang it around your neck. Very handy!
** As if trying to prove me wrong, a little old lady actually came up to me and spoke Bayerisch in the grocery store today.

Cologne: a city full of beer pansies?

While I admit that nearly 8 months in Munich has possibly skewed my perception a bit on such things... doesn't 2 dl (less than 7 oz) seem a little too small to be considered a 'beer'? (Note the fork I placed in the photo to the left, so you can appreciate just how ridiculously diminutive the beer is.)

Right, so I spent a few hours in Cologne last week. I haven't been outside of Bavaria (yet inside Germany) very many times in the past few months, so I was on the lookout for regional differences. The one that kept striking me over and over: the itty bitty beers everyone was drinking. I mean, I am the first to admit that a Maβ* of beer is excessive, but Munich's standard restaurant-sized beer, half a liter, seems to be about right.

In Cologne, these delicate little beer thimbles are transported in their own little carriers by the waiter. Each kranz ('wreath') carries 11 itty-bitty beers. If you were to pour all 11 of them all into proper beer-drinking vessels, you would have just over two Munich-sized beers. Clearly the Oktoberfest tents will not be importing waiters from Cologne.

The one benefit of such teeny-tiny beers, I suppose, is that there isn't a chance for the beer to get even a little bit warm before you are done with it. And I am a firm believer that pale-urine-colored beers should be drunk as cold as possible (if they are going to be consumed at all). Not that Kölsch is all that bad, as far as pale-urine-colored beers go. It's just that, well, it's nice to have a choice of other-colored beers, too, you know? When you walk into a Munich brewery (or basically any Munich establishment that serves beverages), you generally have four beer choices: a helles, a dunkeles, a weiβbier, and a dunkeles weiβbier. It's not an NYC beer bar, but it will do.

Not so at Früh**, Cologne's premiere brewery-restaurant. Kölsch was basically it. Two deciliters of it. To look on the bright side yet again, at least my waiter was right there with a fresh beer every time I finished mine (which occurred every two minutes or so). And when the waiter has to come around so often, that makes the service somewhat better than it is in a typical Munich joint.

* A Maβ of beer is one liter, and is the standard size available in a Munich beer garden. In many cases, nothing smaller is available (unless you are drinking weiβbier).
** Incidentally, 'früh' means 'early' in German, leading me briefly to the hypothesis that 2 dl of beer was meant to be a breakfast portion. That might make sense...

Adventures in cross-cultural gynecology

Two short stories for you from my recent trip to the gynecologist in Munich:

Story #1: The waiting room was quite full, and the women were getting restless. Glimpsing the crowd, the doctor came out to loosen us up with a joke (here translated by me from the German): “What’s the difference between an Ossi* and a Turk?.... The Turk has a job and speaks German.”

I wondered if there were any Ossis in the crowd.


Story #2: My name finally gets called, and I go in to see the doctor. Upon hearing my accent (or perhaps from reading my name off the chart), he asks where I’m from. “New York” I say. His response: “The pretzels in New York City are awful! So soft! Horrible!”

At least he didn’t try to blame me for it.

* Ossi is slang for a person from East Germany.

A little German leisure reading

So, in my quest to improve my language skills, I have switched most of my leisure reading over to German. So far I have finished two novels in German, and I'm looking for more.

The first novel I read, at the suggestion of Heza and Alex, was Der Vorleser by Bernhard Schlink. It started out a bit slow, but the pace picked up before I lost interest. The level was great - I was able to read and understand almost everything without stopping to look words up, although there were definitely new words in the text (for when I was in the looking-up kind of mood). What I particularly liked about the story line was that it was uniquely German, drawing me into parts of German history I had not thought about before, at a level I could easily follow and understand. I see that Mr. Schlink is a prolific writer; perhaps I will give another book of his a go.

The second German novel I read was the infamous Feuchtgebiete by Charlotte Roche. Although I expected my knowledge of German slang to be challenged, I have to say that I ended up being almost disappointed at the lack of new and scandalous vocabulary it offered. I suppose all those issues of Bravo (link possibly NSFW) I read during my Halle days really paid off! The book was also a bit of a let-down in the content department; based on all the uproar it has caused, I expected it to shock and offend my prude American sensibilities much more than it did. Although the book did make me physically gag on a couple of occasions, my reaction was more to the hygiene elements than the sexual ones.

Despite these disappointments, overall I'll call Feuchtgebiete a decent read. The pace was quick, and for the most part the plot was interesting enough to keep me entertained on the plane to California. It might have been less interesting to read in my native language, since it would have lost its educational appeal (although, I suppose, it does have something in the way of education to offer on the topic of raising avocados, too), but as a German-learning tool I'll give it a thumbs up.

Any suggestions for what I should read next? I prefer to read in the original language (ie, I'm looking for books written in German). They don't have to be novels, but my other preferred genre is humorous nonfiction (ala David Sedaris and Bill Bryson), and I'm not sure my German sense of humor is sophisticated enough to tackle that. I like novels that are quick reads but with some substance - no romance novels or Sweet Valley High, but also no War and Peace. Think good airplane reading.

Ready for Oktoberfest

Here it is, the new dirndl in all its glory. I love it, even though wearing it seems to reduce me to nothing but silly poses and twirling. Who knew girlie clothes could be so much fun?

Turning Bavarian

I am happy to announce that I am now the proud owner of my very own dirndl. I love it more than I ever thought I could love traditional clothing, Bavarian or otherwise. It fits surprisingly well, and I adore the colors. (Even before I bought it I was told that I have a very good Dirndl-Figur... I'll give you one guess as to what that really means.)

A dirndl is a traditional Bavarian dress, worn with an apron, and is basically the female counterpart to lederhosen. Dirndls and lederhosen aren't exactly everyday wear here in Bavaria anymore, unless you happen to be waiting tables at the Hofbräuhaus. But they're still quite popular, especially at beer festivals and other occasions. Like this thing they call the Oktoberfest... perhaps you've heard of it?

Dirndls come in all colors and fabrics, and can range in price from around 100 euros to several thousand, depending on your dedication to the cause. On the low end, stores such as C&A sell cheap versions of dirndl, or I hear there are some great deals to be found on Ebay. I wanted something a bit nicer, but didn't want to invest too much, so we headed out to the Loden Frey outlet near the Olympia Einkaufzentrum to do a little Tracht shopping. I ended up spending less than I expected to, so I'm doubly happy with the outcome.

Now, if only I could find a reason to wear my dirndl before Oktoberfest...

Big pfun at the Pfarrfest

Last week we went to a Pfarrfest at a small parish church in Munich. A multi-generational crowd was gathered for food, drink, socializing and music. The preist worked the crowd, greeting everyone and making them feel welcome (upon learning I was from the US, he even broke out with a couple words of English). Dessert consisted of various baked goods prepared by the parishioners. This annual party had all the feel of a church celebration in a small American town, with two significant differences:

1) Lots of oompah music, and

2) Nuns drinking beer by the liter.

I'm really, really sorry for not snagging a photo of #2.

Learning German the fun and easy way - tip #1

The New York Times has convinced me it's time for me to start reading novels in German. I expect this will be a bit of a challenge to my vocabulary...

Tired of cycling while fully clothed?

Alas, our butts are planning to be out of town (at the Regensburg expat weekend, if you must know), and thus unable to participate in the Naked Bike Ride through Munich 2008 (NSFW) this weekend.

Which reminds me of a useful bit of German vocabulary: FKK (short for Freikörperkultur). It's basically a fancy abbreviation referring to nudity or nudism. You'd be surprised how often these three letters come up in everyday conversation around here.


translation of the sign: open fires, BBQing, and nudity forbidden!

A gentle breeze does not make you sick

Really. I promise. In fact, when the room is stifling hot, I'm pretty sure a gentle breeze is actually GOOD for your health.

Just sayin'.

It's time to play Name That Obscure German Holiday

Anyone have a guess at what today is? That's right: Fronleichnam*! It just sounds fun, doesn't it? You know you've plumbed the depths of obscurity when even the Italians haven't heard of your Catholic excuse for a day off of work. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I think all countries could benefit from the addition of more obscure holidays, especially when those holidays mean days off of work.

These holidays keep sneaking up on us when we least expect them. Time to enter all the German holidays into my Outlook calendar so we can start making the most of our time off.

*That's Corpus Christi in English. I didn't bother to read the whole Wikipedia article, but it sounds like yet another day dedicated to the Catholic obsession with dead bodies. Now get celebrating!

The finest in German teen Europop

Introducing... Jimi Blue! Mr. Blue would like to inform all the ladies out there that he is only capable of romancing those of you sporting pants of the little, red, and hot variety. Tokio Hotel doesn't have anything on this Justin Timberlake clone.

Expat blogger poised to take German TV by storm

This Friday evening, March 14th, Ian in Hamburg will dazzle the German TV audience with his American (well, Canadian posing as American) pizza-baking skills on the Pro7 show Galileo. Groovy, huh?

I read Ian's account of the taping (parts 1, 2 and 3) with delight, and I'm looking forward to seeing how the finished show compares with his behind-the-scenes stories.

I'm usually not such a fan of the show Galileo, which claims to be a science show while performing such groundbreaking experiments as 'Who's really superior, men or women? We put this age-old mystery to the test in our ultimate smackdown to prove once and for all which sex is the best by... timing a man and a woman washing dishes. You won't believe the stunning results!' I wish I were making this up. Oh, and at least once a week the show features gratuitous footage of a meat-processing plant.

But all that aside, I'm really looking forward to finding out who wins the ultimate international pizza-baking contest. Then we can finally all stop arguing about it.

Urban is the new Black

When I lived in Germany in the 90s, I was somewhat bemused to learn the term 'Black Music'. This basically referred to any and all music performed by African-American artists. The term was used on posters, in advertisements, and in clubs. A 'Black Music' party or CD could include everything from Janet Jackson to Naughty By Nature, all part of the same genre due to the skin color of the performers. Coming from a nice liberal east-coast college, I was more than a little shocked by the terminology. Would you put Handel and Rammstein in the same musical category?

Today I don't see or hear the term 'Black Music' around Munich much. But the show MTV Urban? It's all about the Black Music.

At last, the Americans may know the joys of German teen angst

Even though Germany has some great home-grown musical acts to offer, rarely does a German artist make it across the Atlantic to the US (as opposed to American music, which makes it over here to Germany far too often).

If I had had to bet on which German music was going to make it big in the US next, Tokio Hotel would have not been where I put my money. So good thing I wasn't betting: A Wild Welcome to a German Teen Pop Band.

Tokio Hotel is the group which required riot police protection at the train station in Zurich. Apparently they are re-scripting their German hits to have English lyrics. Lucky you, you people who don't speak German but want to sing along with Bill! (Yes, I admit to knowing the name of the porcupine-headed lead singer. Do you still respect me?)

Why Uri Geller is lame

In an effort to get to know my new home country, I've been diligently checking out German TV. On of the shows currently on is The Next Uri Geller, a show in search of Germany's top mentalist.

I can't bear to watch this show. It's just too stupid, even for my relatively low standards. All the tricks are basic and banal, and none of the contestants can hold my interest. But the lamest part about the show has to be Uri Geller himself. In case you're not familiar (as I wasn't before I saw this show), Uri is an internationally-famous self-proclaimed mentalist who has been around since at least the 60s, and whose greatest power appears to be his ability to bend spoons. The main difference between Uri and, say, David Copperfield, is the fact that while David calls himself a magician and fully admits that he does "tricks", Uri insists publicly that he really does have some mystical power (and this despite the fact that he's been exposed as a fraud multiple times).

OK, so let's suspend our disbelief and say that Uri Geller really has special powers. Why is it that he hasn't come up with a more useful or impressive application of these powers than bending spoons in the past 50 years? I mean, come on. Spoon bending? How does that a show make?

Ass antlers, ear worms, and other problems Germans have

Have I mentioned how very, very excited I am to be moving to a place where they speak REAL GERMAN? Yeah yeah yeah, I know there's an incomprehensible Bavarian dialect that lurks around, but when you're not talking to drunk farmers, High German is the default language in Munich. High German, the German I know, love, and most importantly, UNDERSTAND. Yippee!

In honor of my impending return to German-land, I'd like to share a couple of my favorite German words and expressions. Perhaps you'll even glimpse a bit of why I love this language so (although at the moment, I'm thinking my love for it is purely based on the fact that it's not Swiss German). Apologies for any misspellings - it's been years since I've actually written in German...

Arschgeweih - those 'tribal' lower-back tattoos (literally 'ass antlers')
Ohrwurm - a catchy song that gets stuck in your head (literally 'ear worm')
Vokuhila - mullet (short for 'vorne kurz hinten lang', or 'short in the front long in the back')
Kabelsalat - the snarl of cables under your computer desk, behind your entertainment center, or if you happen to be married to a computer engineer, all over your house (literally 'cable salad')
Schadenfreude - "Happiness at the misfortune of others? That IS German!" (I really wanted to link to the Avenue Q song here, but I couldn't find a good video of it on the interwebs. You'll have to settle for this bizarre animae version. Listen to the lyrics. Good stuff.)

And you thought the White Man's Overbite was an American thing

As it turns out, the Swiss are pretty good at it, too.

So tonight we went to a Wir Sind Helden concert. Now don't get me wrong - Wir Sind Helden is definitely one of my all-time favorite German-singing bands. Right up there with Xavier Naidoo and the late great Falco. But I'm not such a fan of standing in a smoke-filled crowded room listening to really loud live music while drinking 7-franc Miller Genuine Draft (an atrocity which I'm sure would never happen in Germany, but the Swiss' taste in beer is a story for another post). At least I had the good sense to hit up the coat check counter at the beginning of the encore, thus saving us an hour-long wait...

Mellowing out in Munich

So after being home in Zurich for, oh, less than a week, it was high time to get out of here again. A weekend in Munich, Germany, was exactly what we needed.



Munich is a fun, livable city, especially once you escape the hordes of tourists in the very center. Actually the touristy stuff is fun, too - in a big, drunken, stereotypical Germany kind of way. Pretty much all of the prominent stereotypes about Germany are based on Bavarian culture and traditions: Lederhosen and Dirndls, pretzels, beer served in liter-sized mugs, Oktoberfest, oompa bands...



We spent most of Saturday afternoon in the Englischer Garten, the largest city park in the world and an extremely popular place in the summer. Parts of it feel very similar to Central Park, if you ignore all the naked Germans soaking up the sun. I myself am not such a fan of sun-absorbing (naked or otherwise), so we opted for soaking up some beer and pretzels at the beer garden at the Chinesischer Turm in the middle of the park instead.

Unlike at Oktoberfest, regular beer gardens offer the choice of 1/2 liter mugs, too, which is what we ordered. My excuse is simple: by the time I get to the bottom of a liter of beer, it's really, really warm, and I'm just not a fan of warm beer. So until I learn to drink faster, it's wussy little half-liters for me.

It's fun to people-watch in beer gardens. For some reason it is perfectly acceptable to bring your own food to beer gardens in Munich, provided you purchase your beverages there. Plenty of locals do this, even bringing along tablecloths to make the whole experience more civilized. Of course there were plenty of tourists around, too, notably the drunken American frat-boy type. I didn't see any of them with tablecloths.



PS - Did you notice the name of the bus company in that second picture? Those wacky Germans...