And then there was one

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Scott died in April.

Last November we headed to Glasgow for the stem cell transplant that was supposed to cure his relapsed leukemia. I rented a little flat near the hospital so I could be close by. The first month or so went well. Then the complications and side-effects kicked in, nothing terribly serious at the time, but they kept him in the hospital through the holidays, then through January, February, March. Sometime in late March, things took a turn for the serious, for the life-threatening. We rallied, full of determination. He died anyway. I came home to Edinburgh exhausted, heartbroken, widowed.


For those terrible last weeks of Scott’s life and the first weeks after his death, I was surrounded by friends and family who helped me get through the immediate hurdles of life. Feeding myself, registering the death, arranging a cremation. It was all so much.

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Now I’m trying to figure out what comes next. I’m learning how to be a widow (it’s not something they teach you in school). I’m discovering my new habits, the habits of widow-me. What do I cook for dinner? What time do I go to bed? How often do I see friends? Even little things seem different.

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I am so grateful for the years I had with Scott. Just scrolling back through this blog is a wonderful reminder of some of the fun and adventure we shared. We lived in five countries together, and traveled to many more. We ate, drank, hiked, skied, sledded, wandered, zip-lined. We loved each other, and our life together, very much. I am so lucky to have had him.

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13 thoughts on “And then there was one

  1. Dear Julie,

    Sending love and hugs. This blog post and your painting of Scott are beautiful ways to honor him and the life you shared together.

    Your cousin, Val

    • Dear Julie,
      I read your blog when I moved to Munich from the USA. You made the absurd seem funny, you showed strength and I felt encouraged by your experiences. After you left I did not look often at the blog but I thought about what you might be up to today and I saw that you are now without your husband Scott. I am so sorry to read this and I wanted to wish you only the best going forward. Although you do not know me, maybe these words will mean something to you. My hope is that you use the strength and ability to adapt that you have applied to your travels and your life to pull you through, that you find a way to do what feels right and good and to not let the judgments of others hinder your healing in any form it takes. Every best wish for your future.

  2. Julie , you are strong young woman. Cherish your memories. As a young widow myself many years ago, I know you can get through this dark time. Keep busy, keep going forward, but remember all the good times.❤️

  3. Julie… I’m so shocked… followed you since the beginning. .. so heart breaking.. I wish you happiness in your new adventures in life… but most of all remember the small stuff and that family and friends are everything.

  4. What beautiful writing and what beautiful photos of Scott!!! He is literally radiating happiness in these pics.

  5. This post made me smile and cry. Love the pictures of Scott and the memories. Please know we are here for you and don’t hesitate to ask for help, support, laughter…anything. We love you.
    Debbie and Phil

  6. Julie, I am at a complete loss for what to say but have tears falling down my face for you, and at your beautiful words and wonderful photos. I am so sorry.

  7. Julie — my heart is breaking for you. I’m so sorry to hear this, We’d been thinking about you these last few months when you hadn’t posted. Sending all my best thoughts for your future.

  8. I’m thinking about you during these days of change. I’m holding you in my heart. Love and hugs and kisses. XOXOXOXO

  9. Dear Julie,
    I just received my Brown Alumni Monthly and learned of Scott’s passing and had to read the notice twice — I just couldn’t believe it. I knew Scott at Brown (I think I must have met you too…) and have such fond memories of his wonderful sense of humor and general kindness, and most of all — his laughter. I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

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